#3: Always Lead with Relationships
“How was your weekend?” This question is either small-talk or a deeply powerful leadership question. In many settings it ranks with, “How are you doing?” A space-filler question that typically elicits a shallow, “I’m good. You?”
“How was your weekend?” If offered with intentionality and listening ears, and when a complete answer is prodded for, allows a wise leader the opportunity to assess how each person on the team is positioned for the week ahead. And when church leaders make this part of the first team meeting of the week, and when teams come to understand the role of the question, the entire team benefits as everyone gains a gauge on how their teammates may approach the work before them.
Many teams lead with tasks, kicking off their meetings with, “Let’s get started talking about what we have to do?” Teamness teams lead with relationships, kicking off their meetings with, “Before we talk about what we have to do, let’s talk about how we are each doing.”
In my own leadership, what I discovered is that the weekend greatly influenced the week - and I’m not only talking about how things when during Sunday morning - but rather, the same individual would approach their week ahead differently with any one of these situations:
Did they have a restful Saturday and enjoy time with old friends around a backyard fire pit?
Did they host an over-the-top birthday party for their 5 year old, and did things not go well with a family member who brought conflict to the event?
Did they have this Sunday off the platform and their day was a little easier?
Did they have a fight with their spouse over the weekend?
Did a family member receive a bad diagnosis?
When groups deeply engage in the discussion of “How was your weekend?,” everyone can become present to the mental and emotional state of the team and the individuals on it. Wins and worries surface. Later in the week, as teammates interact, if they each keep the weekend conversation in mind, grace can be extended, compassionate follow-up is possible, and teams are drawn more tightly relationally. And teams that are tighter relationally have more trust, and trust impacts performance.
Sadly, I’ve been a participant in corporate and church meetings where group members are basically silent in the gathering minutes leading up to the official start. Teammates sit without interacting, as they check email, scrolling on social media, missing the opportunity to engage relationally. Oh my! Those pre-meeting minutes are relational gold if approached with intentionality.
When teams lean into simple relational conversation among the topics and tasks, discerning teammates will pick up clues that allow them to be more caring, compassionate, celebratory or whatever is the good relational response to answers like, “I had this hard conversation with one of my key volunteers this morning,” or “My wife and I just learned my niece accepted Jesus last night at camp.” These relational exchanges clue teamness teams into the experiences impacting the emotional state, health and well-being of their teammates. Those paying attention can empathize publicly and privately. Good or bad. We are now working together as full humans, not transactional beings.
Does any story of Jesus’ interactions with his team and those around him come to mind when you think about this emphasis on people before tasks? Let that thought stick with you as you lead your next meeting.
Let’s make it practical:
Eyes up and engage: when your team gathers for your next meeting, as the leader, arrive a few minutes early. Set the example, and as each person enters, connect relationally. Stay off your devices. Extend a greeting to each person who walks in and engage them in conversation. Get the team talking about simple, personal topics:
John, did you get a new ride?
Cherice, did I see on Instagram that you joined a softball team?
Pastor Jonathan… college visits this weekend with Erika?
Transition and gauge: as you transition into the meeting, say something like, “Hey, before we get to the agenda, let’s take just a minute and connect with what’s going on beyond our work,” and then offer a simple question:
Who has a high or low to share from Sunday AFTER church…something from home or family?
Anybody do anything fun last night?
Gang, I want to let you know that I'm a little tired and off my game. Anyone else?
Acknowledge the life happening in the midst of the work: As people share, express concern , understanding, excitement, joy …whatever is appropriate. Let the moment sit. This doesn’t have to be the prayer list to start the meeting, but if someone is going through something significant - good or bad - it’s a great opportunity to lift up a specific situation or need.